I am sorry that you have not heard from me for a really long time. We have been doing a little bit of Twitter and using Facebook a great deal. The thing about writing for this site is that it takes a great deal of focus. When I am writing about things that have happened or are happening I find myself reliving the moments emotionally and mentally. The pain of losing Ben (first time I have used a form of the word lost) is like nothing I ever could have imagined. Please don’t even try. I wake up every morning hoping that I have just had the worst nightmare ever. I have literally bolted from my bed out of a sound sleep at 4 am in the morning, wide awake, and then almost immediately realized that it was not a dream. I watch the way that James and some of their friends have handled Ben’s passing and I am amazed. The kids with their simple faiths and innocent, magical outlook on the world seem to be able to handle it so much better than adults. Once again the children are teaching the adults what matters. One child said, “Ben is with me forever. I’m keepng my special memories in my heart.” James told me just before Christmas, “I think I have cried enough tears.” I asked him at one point if he missed Ben and he replied, “Yes… a little… sometimes… it’s hard to be sad MY life is pretty good.”
We are starting to work on the Green Drakkoman Foundation. We have some wonderful ideas about how we can increase childhood cancer awareness and contribute to “Beating Childhood Cancer.” We are also working on ways to help those facng the worst fight of their family’s lives. We will be reaching out to you to be part of The Green Drakkoman’s Team. That is one of the things I have learned from Ben. The Green Drakkoman never goes into battle alone. He assembles a team that have the skills, talents and drive that he needs to defeat his foes. We are going to be working with other charitabe organizations large and small to create synergistic energy to ‘Beat Cancer.” We will remind each other to “Focus on the Positive.” If you have ideas we welcome them. If you have skills and talents that you can offer us we will use them. If there is anyway that you can help us in our mission we will accept it. I know that you guys are still out there. After months of no updates, for whatever reason, during the last 2 weeks there has been an incredible increase in the amount of folks checking the site and this blog. Something positive is going on and we (you and I) are part of something that is wonderful. The we in the title of this post is all of us, not just Stacey, James and me.